Sitting on a rock (d)

on the side of a small, very green mountain. It must be in Vermont because it's so familiar.
I hear a sound behind me and turn to look. Someone stumbles out of the woods. The dream ends.

The Library

Last night I dreamed and it was about you.
You were full of books, some read, some not yet.
The fireplace had two huge chairs on either side with a sheepskin rug between.
A reading lamp, behind each chair cast a pool of soft golden light that blended with the fire's warm glow.
Bliss was in the library.
Heads bent over books well worn, a chuckle here, a phrase read aloud,
not an interruption so much as a sharing.
An aroma of tea and cookies of spice, mingled to make even warmer the room in my dream.

Not there

I look around
in places you used to be
and you're not there.

I hear a sound
the music you gave so free
and feel despair.

I write of feelings
you've never voiced
that feel like you.

My head is reeling
I have no choice
I cannot be untrue.

I look around
and you're not there.

Have you ever?

dreamed of someone else's writing?

Not just dreamed about something you'd read recently, but about something they hadn't written yet? Or that you at least hadn't seen yet.

I had such a dream last night, and upon waking immediately went to see if I could find said writing. Imagine my surprise when it wasn't where I saw it in my dream.

I tried to remember the words I'd read in my dream, but couldn't put any together that would make any sense. I'm sure there was mention of water and clouds/cloud formations but other than that not a lot. Rain, softness, a scent of heliotrope.

All day I've thought about this dream and all I came up with was a feeling of deep passion for whatever it was that was being written about. There was a sense of being complete and happy.

The title! the color of your laughter Yes, it was lower case. [and yes, I DID just remember that]

Most interesting dream/recollection I've had in a long time.

adoration

adoration
sweet temptation
lies inferred
heart in chaos
broke again

adoration
sweet flirtation
life deferred
for a someone
old refrain

degradation
humiliation
thought i heard
a melody of hearts
wrong again
oh so wrong
again

The Imagined Conversation

It always turns out
just the way you want it to.

He answers
and says
"I feel that way too."

Your life together is ahead
the conversation
in your mind
is right.

Is real.

Yet it never happens.

You never say it.

You never tell.

You keep the secret.

And live in despair.

For the imagined conversation.

That never happens.

When the End Comes

You will have been loved And you wont even know it. You will have been cried over And you wont even care. When the end comes, That time of the one Happy Ending, There will be a hole In a life you never entered. When the endgame is finally played You will have been loved, You will have been cried over, You will be mourned, By the life you never entered. For you are the center of this life's world And it really does revolve around you. And because you never entered this life misses you.

Sweet Elusive

Sweet sleep elude me,
run away, run away.
Off to the lands far beyond
a dismal day, a wearisome day.
Let me stay awake,
just another hour, just a little hour.

haiku

This heart is here for you


hold it near to yours


hold it close


hold it dear.

For want of a penny

I don't know what you want from me.
I tossed a penny or two
Did you pay attention?
Yes, you did, but I wasn't,
I'd forgotten the line,
'oh penny, brown penny'
Does it tell of love
Or is it just a line
from a poem
from before our time?
I know you won't answer
that I'll still be confused
but Yeats had the sight of it
so many years ago.
"Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny,
One cannot begin it too soon."

7 years

His hair was almost the color of yours.
His beard was just a bit too full.
His eyes were exactly not
the right shade of blue.
In an act of
momentary (desperation) insanity
I let him in.
But he never could quite
wipe that thought out of my mind.
He just wasn't.

I wanted to

There were so many things I wanted to say
I wanted to hold you close
for days I've been feeling
that something was wrong
But I'm not sure you want that from me
I don't know what you want
But I can feel a need
one that you'd never voice

I don't know what you want,

but I know what you need.

To be adored, to be worshipped, to be the center of a universe.
To be believed in, to be loved, no holds barred, unconditionally, completely immersed.
To be encouraged, to hear praise, to be extolled.
To be taken by the hand and guided to the one.

Who can adore, who can worship, who wants you to be the center of their universe.
The one who believes in everything you do, who loves you, no holds barred, unconditionally, completely immersed. In you.
Who can encourage, who gives praise, who extolls you to all who will listen.
Who will take you by the hand and guide you, to the one.

what is it

What is it about you,
that I can't resist?
What fans the flames
and makes my heart feel
like it's clenched in a fist?
What is it about you,
so far away,
That darkens my life
but turns night into day?
How can I be so enthralled?
Why can't I just walk away?
I've never met you,
yet I know you better,
than any man I've ever had.
for the first time

What is it about you?
What is it about you?
What is it about you?
What is it about you?
...

hold me just one time

I hate you with a tenderness
that cannot be explained.
I love you with a rage
that overshadows.
You are out there
I know you are
show yourself to me.
Give in to the tenderness
overshadow the rage
hold me just one time.
Make me believe
that my heart doesn't bleed
for nothing.

wisdom

with age comes wisdom
so they say
but who are they
to tell me i should be wise
now that i have a few years
under my belt
wisdom dictates
so does my boss
i take notes
and write it all down
waiting to be more
than wisdom dictates

Not knowing

That's the worst thing.
Not knowing what you've done to cause someone to stop talking to you.
Not knowing if you've offended, caused pain, or in some way hurt their feelings.
Not knowing if you've done something right.
Never knowing from one day to the next, or one minute to the next, if you hold any importance in another's life.
Knowing that all you can do is be yourself, but not knowing if yourself is enough, or too much.

what the fuck?

I give up.
You don't want to be wanted
You don't want to be needed
You don't want me
so I don't want you.

should this be not true, you know how to contact me.

There are times

in a girl's life when all she wants is a pair of strong arms around her and a reassuring voice whispering in her ear.
When all she wants is to be the center of one man's universe. To be every woman in the world to him. To be loved by him, and nobody else but him. To go with him on whatever quest is foremost on his agenda. To be that agenda. Just once.
Sometimes a girl just can't take it anymore, knowing that the one she wants doesn't want her. Or, if he does, he would never admit it to her or himself.
She would never give up, but she might take a break from trying so hard because the trying is so trying on her.

La confianza en mí

La distancia entre
las marcas él difícil.
No hay soluciones,
ésta que sé.
La confianza en mí
y mí confiará en en usted.
Ame supera la distancia
y es él es poseer la solución.

The distance between
makes it difficult.
There are no solutions,
this I know.
Trust in me
and I'll trust in you.
Love transcends the distance
and is it's own solution.

Everlonging

In lieu of flowers
I sent a rainbow
to hopefully brighten your day.
A promise of rain
neverlasting,
to wash the tears from your eyes
and freshen the air that you breathe.

In lieu of flowers
I sent a breeze
to waft the clouds from your eyes.
A pledge of love
everlonging,
that dying alone could not end
and time itself not measure.